Grim, but effective. I really hope you can get these feelings out onto paper (or a screen) and move past them.
The second stanza is really good, and I especially like the imagery of "Family and acquaintances stand in the distance like trees, but no shade comes from their leaves."
Collective Writings
- RJDiogenes
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- Data Holmes
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Re: Collective Writings
Sleep deprived free writing, more than anything. I do tend to get gothically poetic when I've not slept and am in a bad mood.RJDiogenes wrote:Grim, but effective. I really hope you can get these feelings out onto paper (or a screen) and move past them.
Upon rereading, I also like the first two lines there, but those last two don't fit... any suggestions on your part? Perhaps just dropping them and making it a two line poem of some type.The second stanza is really good, and I especially like the imagery of "Family and acquaintances stand in the distance like trees, but no shade comes from their leaves."
Only solitary men know the full joys of friendship.
Others have their family; but to a solitary and an exile
his friends are everything.
-Willa Cather SHADOWS ON THE ROCK
Collective writings (poetry)
Others have their family; but to a solitary and an exile
his friends are everything.
-Willa Cather SHADOWS ON THE ROCK
Collective writings (poetry)
- RJDiogenes
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Re: Collective Writings
If the last two lines don't fit, it's only because they're anti-climactic after the lines I quoted. Perhaps you could change the order of the last verse, or even move the last two lines to a separate verse at the beginning.
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Re: Collective Writings
Inspired by Made.
Brain not woken up yetly,
Pain from party, please speak gently,
Sitting back seeping my tetley,
Sip the cup, restores the wetly.
Brain not woken up yetly,
Pain from party, please speak gently,
Sitting back seeping my tetley,
Sip the cup, restores the wetly.
Only solitary men know the full joys of friendship.
Others have their family; but to a solitary and an exile
his friends are everything.
-Willa Cather SHADOWS ON THE ROCK
Collective writings (poetry)
Others have their family; but to a solitary and an exile
his friends are everything.
-Willa Cather SHADOWS ON THE ROCK
Collective writings (poetry)
- Madeliaette
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Re: Collective Writings
glad to be inspirational, Holmes!
- RJDiogenes
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Re: Collective Writings
Any poem that rhymes "Tetley" has got to be good.
- Data Holmes
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Re: Collective Writings
It was the use of yetly. That just lodged in my head the second I read it and started the gears turning. I'd had half the poem done before I finished reading her post
Only solitary men know the full joys of friendship.
Others have their family; but to a solitary and an exile
his friends are everything.
-Willa Cather SHADOWS ON THE ROCK
Collective writings (poetry)
Others have their family; but to a solitary and an exile
his friends are everything.
-Willa Cather SHADOWS ON THE ROCK
Collective writings (poetry)
- Madeliaette
- Consul
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- Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2009 6:15 pm
- Location: Angmering, Sussex, England
- Contact:
Re: Collective Writings
yetly is just one of my lazy-grammarizations. i come out in crazy words from time to time... lol.
- Data Holmes
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Re: Collective Writings
Breath in.
Breath out.
Silence burning the ears with the scream of of the void.
Breath in.
Breath out.
The brain is now shutting down.
Breath in.
Breath out.
The state can't yet be reached,
the screech in the ear to great,
An aural pain distracting from the calm.
Abort the meditation.
Lean back and forget as the flatulence release of internal struggle,
causes you to erupt into thunderous laughter.
Breath out.
Silence burning the ears with the scream of of the void.
Breath in.
Breath out.
The brain is now shutting down.
Breath in.
Breath out.
The state can't yet be reached,
the screech in the ear to great,
An aural pain distracting from the calm.
Abort the meditation.
Lean back and forget as the flatulence release of internal struggle,
causes you to erupt into thunderous laughter.
Only solitary men know the full joys of friendship.
Others have their family; but to a solitary and an exile
his friends are everything.
-Willa Cather SHADOWS ON THE ROCK
Collective writings (poetry)
Others have their family; but to a solitary and an exile
his friends are everything.
-Willa Cather SHADOWS ON THE ROCK
Collective writings (poetry)
- RJDiogenes
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Re: Collective Writings
I can dig it. I've never been able to meditate, either.