Questions Only IX: Interrogatives Abound

[RJDiogenes]

When we visited Greece, that's what the locals were saying. Apparently there is evidence of an apocalyptic earthquake 10,000 years ago that wiped out that island civilization.

Not that long ago. Plato seems to have been confused by an order of magnitude. But there was a massive earthquake and tidal waves. Also, the ruins at Minos do resemble Plato's description, and there are other similarities.

What do we do about people who propagate such nonsense?

It's appealing to think that there could be laws against slandering reality, but, in the end, you have to let people believe what they want to believe. All you can do is prove them wrong and hope that most people are smart enough to believe the truth.

Again I will reveal the depth of my superficiality. Please insert me into Gilligan's Island so that I can hook up with Mary Anne The added bonus of me being there is that there'd be a rivalry of sorts between TWO professors. And if Thurston Howell the third brought suitcases full of cash, just imagine the suitcases of chocolate I'd have. The question would be -- would I share or horde?

I can guess who you would share with.

There are other TV series I can see myself in, too. But I'll hold back so that I can ask you what TV show would you write yourself into as a regular character, and how?

The most obvious choice would be the original Star Trek. I'd write myself in as the commodore in charge of the starbase that Enterprise reports to-- that way I'd kind of be in command of Kirk and could finagle myself onto the bridge in various adventures.

What's your next choice?

[scottydog]

It's appealing to think that there could be laws against slandering reality, but, in the end, you have to let people believe what they want to believe. All you can do is prove them wrong and hope that most people are smart enough to believe the truth.

You're right, of course. We need to do a better job of training people to detect the bullshit.

The most obvious choice would be the original Star Trek. I'd write myself in as the commodore in charge of the starbase that Enterprise reports to-- that way I'd kind of be in command of Kirk and could finagle myself onto the bridge in various adventures.

Wow, you really think big! Here I'd be willing to be a doomed redshirt minion for one episode.

What's your next choice?

On Perry Mason, I'd be the prosecuting attorney who alternates with Hamilton Burger, every other episode. In Burger's episodes, he always loses, but in my episodes, I defeat Perry 50% of the time The question is: Would such a formula work? Would audiences hate me because I sometimes outsmart Perry?

What your next choice?

[RJDiogenes]

You're right, of course. We need to do a better job of training people to detect the bullshit.

This should be a priority starting in grade school.

Wow, you really think big! Here I'd be willing to be a doomed redshirt minion for one episode.

That's better than nothing, especially if you die saving Uhura.

On Perry Mason, I'd be the prosecuting attorney who alternates with Hamilton Burger, every other episode. In Burger's episodes, he always loses, but in my episodes, I defeat Perry 50% of the time The question is: Would such a formula work? Would audiences hate me because I sometimes outsmart Perry?

Not if there's some compensating factor, like every time you win a case, Paul comes around and beats you up.

What your next choice?

On Night Stalker, I would be a private detective from Boston who also specializes in "looking for the bizarre." Kolchak and I would cross paths occasionally in special two-hour episodes. Basically, we'd be the only ones who believed each other's stories.

Any others?

[scottydog]

That's better than nothing, especially if you die saving Uhura.

I'd save La'an before I'd save Uhura

Not if there's some compensating factor, like every time you win a case, Paul comes around and beats you up.

Paul would easily scare me and intimidate me into letting Perry win every case

On Night Stalker, I would be a private detective from Boston who also specializes in "looking for the bizarre." Kolchak and I would cross paths occasionally in special two-hour episodes. Basically, we'd be the only ones who believed each other's stories.

You like being the good guy, in both Night Stalker and Star Trek. Would you consider teaming up with Artemus Gordon in Wild Wild West?

Any others?

On The Love Boat, I'd want to be the cruise ship's psychologist. Every time there was a relationship crisis onboard the ship, I'd be called to help out.

How might you insert yourself as a regular in the Twilight Zone?

[RJDiogenes]

I'd save La'an before I'd save Uhura

But does La'an even exist in the prime timeline, or is she in Starfleet if she does? Her relationship to Khan would imply that she doesn't.

Paul would easily scare me and intimidate me into letting Perry win every case

It's a mistake to mess with Paul.

Would you consider teaming up with Artemus Gordon in Wild Wild West?

I love Wild Wild West, so I would definitely do that. Or I could be one of the substitute Arties in season four.

On The Love Boat, I'd want to be the cruise ship's psychologist. Every time there was a relationship crisis onboard the ship, I'd be called to help out.

You'd be kept very busy.

How might you insert yourself as a regular in the Twilight Zone?

That's a toughie, since the only regular was Rod Serling and he existed outside of the stories (with one exception). How about if we learn that there is an extradimensional council of storytellers, supernatural beings who influence, if not control, the lives of ordinary people; this council includes beings such as Rod Serling, Alfred Hitchcock, Arch Oboler, the Control Voice, the Crypt Keeper, Elvira, the Hitchhiker, and myself. And Desdemona, of course. And maybe many mysterious others from throughout the multiverse....

How would you insert yourself into the 1966 Batman series?

[scottydog]

I'd save La'an before I'd save Uhura

But does La'an even exist in the prime timeline, or is she in Starfleet if she does? Her relationship to Khan would imply that she doesn't.

See, I don't even pay attention to timelines. I just want a good story with good characters. Does this character exist in this timeline? I don't even care.

That's a toughie, since the only regular was Rod Serling and he existed outside of the stories (with one exception). How about if we learn that there is an extradimensional council of storytellers, supernatural beings who influence, if not control, the lives of ordinary people; this council includes beings such as Rod Serling, Alfred Hitchcock, Arch Oboler, the Control Voice, the Crypt Keeper, Elvira, the Hitchhiker, and myself. And Desdemona, of course. And maybe many mysterious others from throughout the multiverse....

See, only you and your superb creativity could come up with the idea of an "extradimensional council of storytellers". I threw you a challenge and you met the challenge with a great idea for a future series.

How would you insert yourself into the 1966 Batman series?

I'd be a bad guy, although only a pseudo-bad-guy who only appears to do harm for the sake of levity. My bad guy's name would be the shrinkman, alongside the pantheon of joker, riddler, and penguin. The shrinkman is a mind-control expert who hypnotizes his prey and forces them to give him money, power, influence. Here's what he would look like:

[RJDiogenes]

See, I don't even pay attention to timelines. I just want a good story with good characters. Does this character exist in this timeline? I don't even care.

See, only you and your superb creativity could come up with the idea of an "extradimensional council of storytellers". I threw you a challenge and you met the challenge with a great idea for a future series.

Thank you. It is kind of an interesting concept. Of course, I'd have to use pastiches rather than the actual people, but it could still be cool.

I'd be a bad guy, although only a pseudo-bad-guy who only appears to do harm for the sake of levity. My bad guy's name would be the shrinkman, alongside the pantheon of joker, riddler, and penguin. The shrinkman is a mind-control expert who hypnotizes his prey and forces them to give him money, power, influence. Here's what he would look like:

I think Batman would recruit Green Lantern to exile you to an alien world.

How could you possibly insert yourself into Starsky & Hutch?

[scottydog]

How could you possibly insert yourself into Starsky & Hutch?

Once again you're going to be extremely disappointed and ashamed of me. Believe it or not, I never watched Starsky & Hutch. Yes, you read that correctly. I'm a child of the 70's who never watched Starsky & Hutch.

Funny thing is, when I started teaching social psychology in the early 80s, I would refer to studies that counted how many violent acts occurred per episode of Starsky & Hutch. Apparently quite a few bad guys were killed in that series.

As a psychologist, my character might be inserted into the series by being a victim or unwittingly involved in a crime, drawing the detectives into the academic world and its unique dynamics.

In all honesty, would you have been able to do what Kirk did in City on the Edge of Forever? Could you have let the woman you love die?

[RJDiogenes]

Once again you're going to be extremely disappointed and ashamed of me. Believe it or not, I never watched Starsky & Hutch. Yes, you read that correctly. I'm a child of the 70's who never watched Starsky & Hutch.

Well, that's terrible. Not only was Starsky & Hutch a great show, but it helped make me cool in junior high because I shared a nickname with one of the characters.

Funny thing is, when I started teaching social psychology in the early 80s, I would refer to studies that counted how many violent acts occurred per episode of Starsky & Hutch. Apparently quite a few bad guys were killed in that series.

Really? They used Starsky & Hutch as a benchmark for violence? It could certainly be action packed, but the whole purpose of the show was to subvert the tropes of the violent 70s cop movies like Dirty Harry or Shaft or whatever.

As a psychologist, my character might be inserted into the series by being a victim or unwittingly involved in a crime, drawing the detectives into the academic world and its unique dynamics.

The academic counterpoint to Huggy Bear.

In all honesty, would you have been able to do what Kirk did in City on the Edge of Forever? Could you have let the woman you love die?

Given what was at stake, I'd like to think so, but you never know what you'll do. I'd probably try to outwit the universe by just kidnapping her to the future.

Did you watch Charlie's Angels in the 70s?

[scottydog]

Not only was Starsky & Hutch a great show, but it helped make me cool in junior high because I shared a nickname with one of the characters.

That's awesome. Now I'm wondering if the show is streaming somewhere....

In all honesty, would you have been able to do what Kirk did in City on the Edge of Forever? Could you have let the woman you love die?

Given what was at stake, I'd like to think so, but you never know what you'll do.

That's correct. Tons of psychology research shows that we all think we'd do the right thing in a key moment, but few people actually do it. I think that's why I study heroism -- I'm one of those people with good intentions but who could probably not do what Kirk did.

Did you watch Charlie's Angels in the 70s?

I am a straight male, so yes, absolutely, 100%, I was glued to the tube to see the six boobs In college, I had a large poster of Farrah Fawcett on my bedroom wall

How would you rate all the Angels?

Here's my rank order:

Cheryl Ladd
Kate Jackson
Farrah Fawcett
Jaclyn Smith
Shelley Hack
Tanya Roberts

[RJDiogenes]

That's awesome. Now I'm wondering if the show is streaming somewhere....

It's on Amazon, but it's not free. Luckily you can buy individual episodes for two bucks. I'd recommend the episode "Lady Blue" as an example of what I was talking about.

Tons of psychology research shows that we all think we'd do the right thing in a key moment, but few people actually do it.

Instead of "Everybody's the hero of their own story," we should say "Everybody's the hero of their own fanfic."

In college, I had a large poster of Farrah Fawcett on my bedroom wall

I've still got that classic Farrah poster, vintage 1977 or so. I wonder what it's worth now.

How would you rate all the Angels?

That's kind of hard, because there are various ways to rank them. But in terms of my overall favorites, I'd go with:

Cheryl Ladd
Farrah Fawcett
Kate Jackson
Jaclyn Smith
Tanya Roberts
Shelley Hack

Which is not too different from yours.

How would you insert yourself as a regular on the show? Fun fact: The original Charlie's Angels pilot movie had a character named Scott (played by David Ogden Stiers) who was Bosley's boss and Charlie's direct contact. So you can't be him. You have to come up with something else.

[scottydog]

Instead of "Everybody's the hero of their own story," we should say "Everybody's the hero of their own fanfic."

Actually, that's a great way to put it. It is indeed a fiction that people will do the right thing under pressure or in an emergency. Ironically, if everyone were heroic, there would be no such thing as a hero.

I've still got that classic Farrah poster, vintage 1977 or so. I wonder what it's worth now.

Yep, that was the poster

Cheryl Ladd
Farrah Fawcett
Kate Jackson
Jaclyn Smith
Tanya Roberts
Shelley Hack

I remember, back when the show was airing, everyone was swooning over Jaclyn Smith. I found her good-looking in an uninteresting way. Also, her personality was kind of dull.

How would you insert yourself as a regular on the show? Fun fact: The original Charlie's Angels pilot movie had a character named Scott (played by David Ogden Stiers) who was Bosley's boss and Charlie's direct contact. So you can't be him. You have to come up with something else.

Could I please be Cheryl Ladd's sleazy boyfriend? I'd have lots of kissing scenes with her, and my sleaziness would manifest in my sleeping with the other Angels behind her back. Please, please, please can I have this role??

But if you want me to answer seriously, I could be Greg Morris's Barney character from Mission Impossible. As such, I'd be the guy the Angels turn to for tech support, training, and other miscellaneous roles to support their efforts.

What thoughts occur to you as you watch this video from 1978?

[RJDiogenes]

Actually, that's a great way to put it. It is indeed a fiction that people will do the right thing under pressure or in an emergency. Ironically, if everyone were heroic, there would be no such thing as a hero.

And little need, probably.

Yep, that was the poster

They go anywhere from $50 to $150 or so on eBay. Mine is probably in close to mint condition.

I remember, back when the show was airing, everyone was swooning over Jaclyn Smith. I found her good-looking in an uninteresting way. Also, her personality was kind of dull.

When Kate Jackson left, Jaclyn Smith sort of rose to the position of senior Angel by default, but she didn't really have the gravitas to pull it off (and the writing didn't really support her). They should have looked for someone to fill Kate's shoes instead of hiring a third wheel.

Could I please be Cheryl Ladd's sleazy boyfriend? I'd have lots of kissing scenes with her, and my sleaziness would manifest in my sleeping with the other Angels behind her back. Please, please, please can I have this role??

This one ups me. I was going to be the Angels' official masseuse, who they could bounce ideas off of during massage sessions and who could offer advice and insights a la the Wise Bartender trope.

But if you want me to answer seriously, I could be Greg Morris's Barney character from Mission Impossible. As such, I'd be the guy the Angels turn to for tech support, training, and other miscellaneous roles to support their efforts.

That's a good idea, because Ivan Goff and Ben Roberts originally intended the show to be more like Mission: Impossible.

What thoughts occur to you as you watch this video from 1978?

Thoughts of bittersweet nostalgia. That's quite a range of eras represented there, from Ed Asner to Walter Cronkite to Steve Allen. I think I recognized maybe two thirds of them. Did you know them all?

[scottydog]

They go anywhere from $50 to $150 or so on eBay. Mine is probably in close to mint condition.

Wow, that's terrific. I suspect that if you factor in the value of all your collections, you are millionaire many times over.

When Kate Jackson left, Jaclyn Smith sort of rose to the position of senior Angel by default, but she didn't really have the gravitas to pull it off (and the writing didn't really support her). They should have looked for someone to fill Kate's shoes instead of hiring a third wheel.

I totally agree. Should the showrunners have hired Jenilee Harrison as an Angel?

I was going to be the Angels' official masseuse, who they could bounce ideas off of during massage sessions and who could offer advice and insights a la the Wise Bartender trope.

Ahh, that's very nice. You'd be an excellent Guinan.

That's quite a range of eras represented there, from Ed Asner to Walter Cronkite to Steve Allen. I think I recognized maybe two thirds of them. Did you know them all?

I probably recognized 80% of them. Someone in the comments section lists all the celebrities by name and my percentage of hits should have been closer to 95%. And to think, that was just CBS. Imagine if ABC and NIBC's stars were shown.

What did you think of the Carol Burnett Show, along with its stars Carol Burnett, Vicki Lawrence, Harvey Korman, and Tim Conway?

[RJDiogenes]

Wow, that's terrific. I suspect that if you factor in the value of all your collections, you are millionaire many times over.

No, I don't think so. Maybe around $200k.

I totally agree. Should the showrunners have hired Jenilee Harrison as an Angel?

She would have made a great Angel, but not the Boss Angel. Good Boss Angels might have been Suzanne Pleshette, Teresa Graves, or Raquel Welch. Maybe Lynda Carter.

Ahh, that's very nice. You'd be an excellent Guinan.

If I play an El-Aurian that brings the Angels into Trek continuity.

What did you think of the Carol Burnett Show, along with its stars Carol Burnett, Vicki Lawrence, Harvey Korman, and Tim Conway?

I watched Carol Burnett every week. It was always hilarious. Tim Conway and Harvey Korman made a great team.

Did you watch The Gong Show back in the 70s?