You know... (Canadian Whiskey)

[Santaman]

Canadian whisky? hmm... thats like sex in a canoe.. fooking close to water..

[SpaceBall]

, and a pleasant voice on the phone.

But really the main problem/roadblock is that I have a rather thick Southern (American, not South American) accent when speaking which gets even thicker when drinking

My god woman, get that job as receptionist!!!!
You could even be that voice from the answering machine.

"You have reached *company x* we are closed right now.." But since it is already late... Press one for a good whipping..." Press two for...." *imagination runs wild*

I'm all in for that sexy Southern accent that would make me do naughty things while holding on to the ahum .. horn.

[PhoenixHope]

Canadian whisky? hmm... thats like sex in a canoe.. fooking close to water..

Still better than cheap American blends most of which should come with an octane rating.

But here you go bad-mouthing things again without proof from the pudding.

I will admit a short while ago I bought some Swedish coffee (or at least they labeled it as Swedish brewed - whatever that means) and I have to admit even the dark roast version is strong without being bitter - that's noteworthy because most dark roast blends I've tried tend to be extremely bitter.

"You have reached the definitive sex company we are sorry that we're closed right now as we would love taking your call. However, we have several options to hopefully tide you over until we are once again open for business.

For Spanish press two, if you do not press two the conversation will proceed in English.

*pause*

Are you male or female? Press one for male or two for female
Are you straight or gay? Press one for straight or two for gay. If you don't fall into either of those categories I'm sorry but you'll have to call back during business hours as our emergency hotline, with which you are currently listening too, is not as equipped as our world famous personnel, though perhaps you can still find something in the following that mayhap and perchance shall hold you over until then.

Now lets continue:
Press one for a tongue lashing
Press two for a good whipping - press two again if you'd like sound effects
Press three for one hell of a flogging - press three again for sound effects complete with screaming
Press four for BLAH BLAH BLAH - BLAH sound effects BLAH"

That was the problem with your menu - not enough annoying talking/options.