(No, really I would be the literal target audience for an actual Jem and the Holograms movie and not some "YouTube internet made me famous movie" called Jem and the Holograms.)
The main reason I decided to make this post, is relegated to the second paragraph because I got side-tracked above, was to say that if one doesn't already have enough reasons to love Shatner I have another. You see, unlike me Shatner did not miss news of this - seriously I saw one TV ad last week for this movie and I thought "a Jem and the Holograms movie - why haven't I heard about it before?"
But lets pause for a bit of backstory, because apparently I really feel like talking about this - the irony it burns!
What you need to know is that I watched and mostly loved the 80's cartoon even though at times it was really really messed up, or rather the characters was really really messed up. But that fact is one of the reasons this cartoon is still watchable for me today, because as a kid some things went over my head that on rewatches today I pick up on and think "wow! How in the hell did they get away with that back then."
But that was in the 80s and so most of the cartoon audience is in their upper 30s or 40s and so I couldn't help but think upon seeing the ad "WTF are they making a live action film of this NOW?" Though films unlike television generally doesn't care how old its audience is as long as they be spending money on it. So I checked myself, because I guess you never know -- now coulda been the time for a Jem revival, though apparently this was not the film to make that happen.
The point is that work kept me busy enough that I didn't really have time to look up any info about this film until today, and what I'm seeing today is not enticing me to see this film, and I think Shatner summed it up nicely in a tweet (that I saw quoted in an article about the film): "I watched the Jem trailer. No star earrings? Where are the Misfits????"
I'm just going to quote a bit from The Hollywood Reporter review:
WTF?! Really sums that up. However, one change seems like it might not be an altogether bad thing - Juliette Lewis playing Eric Raymond might be worth seeing. Hell, it would probably be the best thing about this movie, really.Aubrey Peeples (ABC's Nashville) plays the lead role of Jerrica, a sensitive teen who lives with her widowed mother (Molly Ringwald), younger sister Kimber (Stefanie Scott) and foster sisters Aja (Hayley Kyoko) and Shana (Aurora Perrineau) in a nondescript California town. When Jerrica sings a soulful self-penned ballad in front of her cell phone camera — she claims to hate being filmed, but rarely misses the opportunity — Kimber surreptitiously uploads the performance to YouTube. Naturally, it barely takes a day for the video to go viral, attracting the attention of Erica Raymond (Juliette Lewis, enjoyably chewing the scenery), the rapacious CEO of Starlight Music, whose skintight spandex pants and haughty manner immediately establishes her as no good.
Showing up at Jerrica's home with underling in tow, Erica tells her and her sisters to "forget all that dismal mediocrity you grew up in." She transports them to Los Angeles, puts them up in the company's lavish mansion, and assigns their care to her hunky son Rio (Ryan Guzman, The Boy Next Door), who assigns them a curfew that they immediately break.
Jerrica, now known by her stage name Jem, has brought with her a small mechanical device created by her beloved dead father. Through plot machinations too tiresome to relate, it becomes an adorable robot named "Synergy" whose role in the story is mainly to make childlike noises.
And I could forgive the movie making YouTube the stardom vehicle for Jem -- I really could, though it was a rigged battle of the bands that jump-started Jem and the Hologram's career and therefore gave Jerrica enough power to keep her music company and a star to make music for said company to keep said company in the money.
But yes I realize that a certain amount of modernizing would take place in ANY new version even a cartoon redo. As well as making the music sound more like todays music instead of 80s music -- changes like that are expected, though admittedly I generally don't love them.
But then there's changes that strip the heart of the show (i.e. the things us overgrown kids loved) to the point that they might have well just changed some names and called it an original movie. The reception probably would've been better, because I have seen a few people saying on it's own it wasn't a bad movie, but as a movie called "Jem and the Holograms" it was horrible.
Anyway the real Jem and the Holograms started (as well as the show) just after Jerrica and Kimber became orphans. Though it should be noted that by this time both girls was considered adults (i.e. over eighteen). Their mother died long ago - so long that younger sister Kimber barely had memories of her, but it was the death of their father that jump-started everything.
The death of Jerrica's father left her with a run-down orphanage housing several girls who would later become known as Starlight girls, a failing music company, and probably most importantly a super-powerful super-computer named Synergy who actually ended up creating the hologram that turned plain Jane Jerrica into the totally outrageous Jem - hence the name of the band. *sigh* Though Jerrica was the only one actually hiding herself. Jerrica really had some serious issues and I loved her for them.
*cough* ANYWAY later over the course of the series we find out that the holographic representation of Synergy was based on Jerrica's (and Kimber's) mother. So way much more than an adorable robot that makes baby noises. I should note that the image is based on their mother not the personality, but still so much more than a noise-making sidekick.
(PS - Apparently, The Hollywood Reporter review is mistaken in calling Molly Ringwalds character Jerrica's mother - it would seem she was a widowed aunt to the girls. But that wasn't my whole problem anyway, and it wasn't the only official review to make that mistake just for the record. Anyway, if you couldn't tell it was the Synergy stuff - seriously instead of butchering that character they could have just left it out! I mean, seriously, this movie made Jerrica into Jem without the computer so why have it appear is some watered down washed out way?! Though according to some reviewers this whole bit was the movies only real attempt at an ongoing plot. *sigh*)
I mean I could even take the change with Rio -- in the series he worked for Jerrica's father and had a sorta long-term thing going on with Jerrica (which just made it bizare that in the series she wouldn't just tell him she was Jem even when she started to wonder which one he was really in love with - you see, she was dating him as both ("or is he making love to a fantasy" was a line in one of the songs relating to this), but not telling him. AHHHH! Good times -- despite what they might want you to think this was not exactly a show with an overall positive message -- it was a show about people who were sometimes just flat fucked up -- though weirdly it was a very "girl power" kind of show in spite of that), at least this way with him being Eric's (or I guess Erica's) son it would at least make more sense that she would hesitate in telling him something that big, but in the series it always struck me weird that she wouldn't tell him. At least at first, after the lie continued for awhile it was rather easy to see how hard it would be to bust out with the truth.
(Remember in the series the whole "who is Jem?" was a really big deal -- no one but her band-mates knew -- mostly because answering that question would give-away the super-secret super-powerful computer so it was a closely guarded secret for rather understandable reasons, except keeping it from Rio who was always on Jerrica/Jem's side in the series. And the movie, from what I understand, does try to keep Jerrica/Jem a secret, but kinda ends up having everyone know who she is anyway, which without needing to hide the super-computer doesn't really matter anyway.)
But based on what I've heard the movie starts with Jerrica recording a selfie of herself singing that her sister posts online and BLAH BLAH BLAH. Suddenly the devil is at the gate offering Jerrica/Jem a deal, but only Jerrica/Jem so she ditches her sister and her closest friends (i.e. the band) before sometime later having that cliche change of heart where she wants her fame but also her morals. Though apparently at first it's a deal with all of them together.
But probably for me the worst part actually seems to be the part where apparently lots of people selfie themselves while they talk about how much "Jem and the Holograms" mean to them. GAH! Seriously, people, not every thought you have is worth sharing. And, yes, I realize the irony thank you very much.
(And, yes, I am from the generation that had very strong feelings about Scrappy Doo. SHUT UP! At least I didn't make short videos spilling said feelings all over everywhere. And that boys and girls is exactly why I'm glad there wasn't an internet when I was younger. SERIOUSLY!)
No, I take that back the worst part for me would be the absence of my favorite band from the series "The Misfits," though I always thought "The Limp Lizards" shoulda maybe been given more screen time as well. *grin* Seriously, though if we was gonna delete one band I'd rather they delete "Jem and the Holograms" and just make a movie about "The Misfits," though admittedly I'm not sure a "Misfits Movie" without Jem would really work.
I will give props to the movie over one thing, though. Based on pics I've seen I do give the movie serious credit for getting the outfits, hair, and make-up actually in the ball-park of the styles from the cartoon. And for those considering it - it would seem Roger Ebert likes the movie AND more importantly indicates that he is familiar with the cartoon -- so perhaps it isn't all bad.
The truly sad point for me is that I'll probably end up watching this damn movie at some point anyway. *sigh* And then be all like "why? Why did I subject myself to this?!" Because outside of watching Juliette Lewis play Eric Raymond nothing else I've heard about this film really makes me feel I need to see it.
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